It is often believed that tears are a sign of weakness or a sign of the person being submissive and not strong, but not many realize that tears can be a mark of silent strength. The strength of being able to express one’s emotions. Over the years I have used tears to express various emotions including happiness, anger, frustration and of course grief.
In the early days of my separation I was in emotional shock and found myself unable to cry. The shock left me fighting a constriction in my throat and a heavy burden on my chest. Words cannot describe how relieved I felt the day I finally managed to break down and cry non-stop for almost 3 hours. Such is the healing power of tears. They allow you to finally come to terms with your emotions, positive or otherwise and deal with them.
During the past year when I was coming to terms with the betrayal, hurt and anger I often found myself overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions and thoughts passing through my head. It was only a good bout of crying that helped me acknowledge the emotions and the fear of my future that resulted in being able to think clearly.
Recently while sifting through re-runs of Desperate Housewives I found Lynette giving the same advice as she spoke of the power of self soothing. Even though Lynette spoke about her baby, self soothing is one of the most powerful tools one can use while overcoming divorce especially in India where you are a social pariah especially if it was a conscious decision and since friends are hard to come by.
Self soothing also includes being a best friend to yourself apart from learning to love yourself while refusing to believe that you are a failure even if the society makes you out to be so. Failure of a marriage is not failure in life, this is something I repeat to myself everyday, given that girls are taught to marry well and remain married irrespective what horrors transpire in the marital life.
Self soothing can help you deal with your pain by doing something nice for yourself rather than ignoring or allowing the passage of time numb your pain. Do anything you like, listen to music, enjoy comfort foods, sing, take up hobbies, take a warm shower or simply rock yourself to peace on your rocking chair. Experiencing proper comfort goes in a long way to heal the pain and agony caused by divorce.
So the next time you find tears welling up in your eyes, let them flow freely for it is the best and most inexpensive therapy you can find for yourself.