The Healing Power of Tears

It is often believed that tears are a sign of weakness or a sign of the person being submissive and not strong, but not many realize that tears can be a mark of silent strength. The strength of being able to express one’s emotions. Over the years I have used tears to express various emotions including happiness, anger, frustration and of course grief.

In the early days of my separation I was in emotional shock and found myself unable to cry. The shock left me fighting a constriction in my throat and a heavy burden on my chest. Words cannot describe how relieved I felt the day I finally managed to break down and cry non-stop for almost 3 hours. Such is the healing power of tears. They allow you to finally come to terms with your emotions, positive or otherwise and deal with them.

During the past year when I was coming to terms with the betrayal, hurt and anger I often found myself overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions and thoughts passing through my head. It was only a good bout of crying that helped me acknowledge the emotions and the fear of my future that resulted in being able to think clearly.

Recently while sifting through re-runs of Desperate Housewives I found Lynette giving the same advice as she spoke of the power of self soothing. Even though Lynette spoke about her baby, self soothing is one of the most powerful tools one can use while overcoming divorce especially in India where you are a social pariah especially if it was a conscious decision and since friends are hard to come by.

Self soothing also includes being a best friend to yourself apart from learning to love yourself while refusing to believe that you are a failure even if the society makes you out to be so. Failure of a marriage is not failure in life, this is something I repeat to myself everyday, given that girls are taught to marry well and remain married irrespective what horrors transpire in the marital life.

Self soothing can help you deal with your pain by doing something nice for yourself rather than ignoring or allowing the passage of time numb your pain. Do anything you like, listen to music, enjoy comfort foods, sing, take up hobbies, take a warm shower or simply rock yourself to peace on your rocking chair.  Experiencing proper comfort goes in a long way to heal the pain and agony caused by divorce.

So the next time you find tears welling up in your eyes, let them flow freely for it is the best and most inexpensive therapy you can find for yourself.

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18 comments on “The Healing Power of Tears

  1. I too was on great shock initially and could not cry – eventually I did.
    You are correct that the tears are somewhat of a relief and one lets go of the pain
    i think it is great that you are looking after yourself and indulging in ‘self-comfort’ – so good for the soul.

    • Tears are extremely important and they have always been in my life. I have been amazed at their power of being able to soothe my runaway emotions and thoughts while at the same time helping those close to me understand the anguish (or any other emotion) I am experiencing. I hope that you too find them comforting especially in the times when divorce can make you feel so lonely.

  2. aFrankAngle says:

    Tears surely mean a lot of different things. 🙂

  3. Sometimes it can be so hard…. it can be easier to hold back the tears than to let them start. Once they begin to flow, it seems as if they will never stop….

    • I have always found it easier to let them flow even if they refuse to stop for some time rather than bottle them and allow them to fester into wounds which refuse to heal. But then again the contrary might work best for you.

  4. reocochran says:

    I think this was a well written blog, incorporating the public media, a t.v. show, India and your own tough walk. Your defining self soothing was very well explained and help to let someone know it is okay to cry, feel and express their emotions. It was hard keeping them bottled in, so frustrating! I am happy for your connecting to those who you had been distanced from. I like the way you respond back to your readers. The comments back and forth are meaningful!

    • Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. Shedding tears, I have always believed is not the sign of weakness but the sign of courage, that you are able to accept your emotions, take them in your stride and move on, stronger than before.This is the reason why through any situation in my life I have refused to accept people telling me to bottle up the emotions and look stoic. The ones who experience this bottling up know how frustrating that can be.

  5. reocochran says:

    Expressing yourself is important for healing. Also allows others to help you when they see you need it. Bottled up emotions are not healthy and sometimes are part of the fear of being hurt again. If you give the abuser the power of silencing you that is wrong! Glad you know that!

    • We are taught from childhood that tears are the sign of weakness, which is wrong on so many levels. Expression of various emotions including hurt and sadness should be a normal process of life. When we are encouraged to express happiness why not the opposite?
      Tears in an abusive relationship are a mark of protest against the abuse meted out, hence as you said it must be allowed to flow so that the abused can gather strength and walk out.

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