Overcoming Bitterness

The months after separation I was racked with overwhelming bouts of bitterness. Whenever I went out I saw happy couples, I looked out of my window and I saw young mothers around my age playing with their kids while greeting their husbands returning from office. These scenes played out in front of me every day and the bitterness refused to go. This continued till I found an anonymous quote: It is best to leave your ex’s where you found them.

Bitterness is like poison, it spreads through your body, mind and life. Before you know it, you will be a slave to the bitterness, spewing in anger at everything you lost because of your ex rather than working towards achieving what you want. Bitterness feeds on anger which takes over your life making it difficult to let go and start afresh. During the time I was fighting the bitterness that was in me I came across several people who had hung onto theirs for years, one even for 10 years. Astonishment does little justice to describe what I felt because most of them could recall every little detail of the emotional trauma they had experienced even if it had taken place decades ago and every decision they took in their life after that originated from the bitterness that had festered over the years. I hardly need say that their lives were not happy, which made me realize that bitterness begets bitterness and not happiness. Life has an uncanny way of teaching important lessons, grab onto them when you can!

It is important to understand that it is up to us to clear up the bitterness. Your ex will be long gone, least bothered and will be living it up while you wallow in bitterness and make a further mess of your life. Even if you are not ready to forgive you must learn to let go of the bitterness to be able to appreciate what life can offer you. Once you can do this you will see that life is too short to feel angry or bitter. Life offers so much to see and do, even with the dwindled resources post-separation/divorce.

Start by keeping yourself busy even if it means taking time off to volunteer at an animal shelter or homeless people’s shelter. The unconditional love you receive from the homeless animals and the gratitude from people in the homeless shelters will do wonders for your healing process. This positive beginning will help you forgive yourself and get rid of the bitterness.

Try writing out your anger. There is something therapeutic about seeing your emotions in black and white which will help you accept them, let go and move on. Vent on paper or speak to a close confidante. It is important to write/ speak out the bitterness and anger you feel. In time you will find yourself feeling better and less bitter.

It is essential that you cut out the root of bitterness from your life or else your life will be intoxicated with hated and anger. Speak out, accept and let go, that is the only cure.


42 comments on “Overcoming Bitterness

  1. Michael says:

    Hi. Thanks a lot for liking my post @http://justmikemon.wordpress.com/2013/03/24/handling-outsider-involvement-in-marriages/

    This is one of the most touching post I have ever read ! As yet, I have not come across any other medicine for “post-divorce-syndrome”….

    “Bitterness is like poison, it spreads through your body, mind and life.”…………

    “It is important to understand that it is up to us to clear up the bitterness. Your ex will be long gone, least bothered and will be living it up while you wallow in bitterness and make a further mess of your life.”…….

    “Try writing out your anger. There is something therapeutic about seeing your emotions in black and white which will help you accept them, let go and move on.”

    • Thank you for stopping by on my blog and taking the time to comment. I try to find it in me to overcome the pain and bitterness of my divorce and at the same time help others. Th reason for divorce might be different but the pain and emotions involved are nearly the same.

  2. Michael says:

    That is very true. I pray that this “positive beginning will help you forgive yourself and get rid of the bitterness.” I also hope that God will help heal up your wound very fast.

    • Thank you for your prayers. My efforts and prayers are directed every second to overcome the bitterness generated by the betrayal. I do hope that the healing process is over soon.

      • Michael says:

        I hope so too. Now I have the inspiratiion to do a post on “Post-divorce-syndrome.” It’s going to a special dedication to you. It’s a real life experience of a friend who went through a very bitter marriage. She eventually got a divorce and is living a good life today. Life must go on my friend…

      • Thank you very much for your kind gesture. I am touched and humbled beyond words. It is nice and encouraging to hear that your friend is living a good life today. Her experience will be a lesson to us all going through the pain of divorce, that there is light at the end of the tunnel and it is possible to get over the pain one day to smile once again.

      • Michael says:

        You are welcome my friend. Watch out for the post. But I will surely notify you as soon as I am done. What’s your name?

      • Do notify me when you have posted. The name that I go by now is WanderLustry Ramblings.

  3. Michael says:

    Reblogged this on Welcome to Michael Monday's blog and commented:
    Divorce !!!….Live must go on…..

  4. reocochran says:

    You poured your heart out and shared so much with us. I appreciate that you have some positive suggestions on how to let the bitterness go. I have been on my own for almost 7 years, enjoyed family mostly but spent the past couple of years searching for my last partner in life. I have a silly blog but have some relationship and love stories in it. Thank you for yours!

    • Thank you for your kind words. Your blog is definitely not silly but a testimony of your strength at how you have pulled yourself and your family successfully through troubled times. I have spent hours on your blog enjoying the heartwarming stories. Your recent post about Lonnie and Sherry was particularly moving. It brought back memories of listening to the story of my grandparents coming together in the middle of WWII. They had been together for 47 years, ripped apart by the death of my granddad, otherwise we all were looking forward to celebrate their glorious 50 years together.

      • reocochran says:

        Wow! Thank you for reading so many of my posts. I am glad that you liked that story about Lonnie and his wife! I liked what you said about your grandparents. It gives us strength to move forward knowing that love can work out. Sorry about the loss of your granddad, too. Take care and I will keep checking in on you!

      • You write so beautifully that I always leave your blog nodding in agreement and with a smile.
        I loved the story of Lonnie and his wife. Stories like his and that of my grandparents give hope to those like me who haven’t yet had the chance to experience the true beauty and warmth of love.

  5. […] post is a special dedication to my friend Wanderlustryramblings. This is wishing you the fastest post-divorce healing […]

  6. Michael says:

    Hello my friend. I hope you would find this post, as promised, worth your time and purpose. God bless you real good……. http://justmikemon.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/dealing-with-post-divorce-syndrome/

  7. Michael says:

    Hello my friend. I hope you would find my post, as promised, worth your time and purpose. God bless you real good…..http://justmikemon.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/dealing-with-post-divorce-syndrome/

    • I woke up this morning to the news that my ex is dragging the case to yet another court. Frustration and irritation found its place back in my mind till I read your beautiful and touching post. Thank you for helping me find strength once again in me to deal with anything that divorce brings to the forefront and to move forward in life.

      • Project yourself in the future, What you want to be when all this os over. I promise you that time will heal all this, eventually. Take care and keep smiling, these hurdles are only there to make you jump over them, because you can.

      • ‘Project yourself in the future’-those are golden words and help more than one can understand. Healing is a continuous process but I do hope to reach that day soon when I can look back at the trauma without the bitterness and anger.

  8. Michael says:

    Hello my friend. Am so sorry for responding this late. It sure feels good to know that my post made an impact on you. I also feel good that you are adopting the right attitude towards this thorny issue. I hope to read more pleasant news from you after now. May the Lord see you through, amen!

  9. Maria says:

    Following your advice and leaving my ex where I found him.

  10. It took me a very long time to write out my story. I could not. Anger is the expression of fear, we should not forget that. Once we know what we are afraid of, then we can start tackling it.
    Thank you for sharing.

    • It took me also a long time to come out with everything and more importantly overcome the anger. There are times when I still experience anger flashes but thankfully they are rare and do not overpower my mind or life. Thanks for stopping by!

  11. todayiprayed says:

    You hit it right on the head. It’s a daily, sometimes minute by minute, fight to kick that root out. Your imagery is well captured.

  12. micamor says:

    I had the same observation the other day walking down the street viewing a family unloading themselves and their children from a minivan with casserole in tow. I recall the many moments I had like this with my former spouse and our children and how much of it felt like an act. It is key to quickly remind myself that the loss I feel isn’t rooted completely in the person who is no longer by my side, but the hope and reality that we are made for such bonds still can be found and realized again. This gives me hope for all who seek new beginnings and the expected discovery of who is yet to step into my life. Thank you wanderlustryramblings

  13. I totally agree with you, I was in the same situation, and one of the first women I dated after my divorce was a therapist, and one day she said “you must remember every bad thing anyone ever said to you!” I did my best to start letting go after that. Thanks for liking my post, and for the identification.

    • Your friend said the very right thing. But unfortunately as they say ‘sadness is more poignant than happiness’. Hence we might remember every little bad thing in our lives but find it difficult to remember the good things at the first instance.
      It is so nice that you have managed to change that since then, I hope to achieve the same!

  14. Annie says:

    I love this blog.

    I have tried throughout my divorce to keep positive and focused on the end goal of where I am going. I have, at times, had to fight off anger and bitterness and block it from rising up and taking hold. In the beginning, I did this through reflective journals, which I am now in the process of uploading into my blog. I am now in a position where I reflect from a positive place and my journals have reached lift off.

    My whole way of living has much more resonance with where I envisage myself being. Equally, the positivity emitted is reaping positive rewards. In essence, a whole new life is manifesting itself before my eyes.
    Writing is certainly the first step along this path.
    Thanks for sharing your insight x

    • Thank you so much for stopping by! I am trying with every ounce of effort to stay positive and start afresh in life. I still feel the anger and bitterness but stop them from taking hold of my life. You give me hope that the effort I put in today will help me set my life on track at a later date. Thank you for sharing your experiences and valuable insights.

  15. ninawachter says:

    I have to tell you it’s comforting to find someone else who struggles with this as I do, and handles it in much the same way. I have volumes and volumes of journals that I write in every day to get the thoughts in my head out instead of spinning around endlessly in my mind, mutating, festering and spawning new ill thoughts. I reserve much of the happy thoughts and discoveries for blogging, but at least have an outlet. Your blog is a welcome read.

    • Overcoming the bitterness is unfortunately one of the longest and most arduous process of healing after betrayal and divorce. I battle it every second and sometimes with almost every memory plaguing my mind on the dark days. The first step is to write or speak it. I hope you heal soon! Thank you for stopping by!

  16. Words to live by, can you follow me around and remind me everyday? I will send you a plane ticket? Thank you!

  17. Scott (aka Table97) says:

    Your blog is certainly a source of hope and inspiration! I truly enjoy reading your posts…this one especially caught my attention because of topic. Bitterness is one of those emotions that I too had to let go after my divorce – finding a place where I could share the anger that was leading to that bitterness was key in my letting go.

    Thanks for sharing your writing!

    • Thanks for stopping by! I hope you have managed to completely let go of the bitterness, for me every court hearing is a litmus test of how much of the spewing I can control. I await the day when this daily battle will finally be over.

  18. I still feel the bitterness… I am trying very hard to get past those feelings at the moment. Thank you for your post. I will try some of your suggestions…

    • Getting over the bitterness like healing takes time and also effort. For me it was a constant battle now it is a daily battle. The intensity and frequency of the bitterness has reduced. Do try some of the suggestions, they will work over time. Nothing heals as much as love and pampering for your mind, body and soul!

  19. Thank you for liking my post. This is such an inspirational post about how you are truly feeling and what you are experiencing. Thank you for sharing this.

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