I have known what I wanted in life for quite sometime, ever since I realized that it was a home bound life which gives me the maximum and lasting pleasure and happiness than any career advances. Hence my list of goals for my ideal future included a happy marriage, a loving household and kids. Slowly and steadily I put my plans into action only to have the very first one blow up right in my face. So now when I dream about my future I am reanalyzing and re-prioritizing the things I want. Moreover given my unwanted and unpleasant situation revaluation is the need of the hour.
The future I desire still includes a happy marriage but now that is ‘if possible’ and definitely not numero uno on my list but a loving household and kids are moving up slowly on the list. For many months now I have been toying with the idea of either adopting, even though I would love to have kids of my own. However India sadly has still not legalized artificial insemination for single mothers.
I look enviously at my peers who have kids or are on the family way, imagining their boundless joy of being able to hold their children in their arms, rock them to sleep, watch them grow up and find their way through the hurdles of lives all the while finding oodles of joy in their beautiful, loving smiles. The sight of children playing outside in the evenings makes me wonder about the time I am wasting in the stupid if not insulting and pointless divorce case while I my body is slowly exhausting its fertility. Even if I find the right guy who will be a loving partner and father, I hope it is not too late by then. I have come across way too many emotionally distressing stories about women who have waited too long and found it difficult to get pregnant, to remain optimistic about waiting for the right guy. What if it is too late by then?
So till I reevaluate my life I can only dream about a child I might have and boundless love I am waiting to shower on my child and provide the best of everything that life has to offer.