The Beauty of Love

My holiday is long over and I am back to face the reality of having to build up my life from scratch while healing from past hurt and pain. This holiday has been much more than I ever intended it to be.

I faced many of my fears including going back to the city in which I lived with my ex and his family. I achieved my goal of letting the city be as it is and not be marred by the negative experiences. I also found it in me to actually look back on the negligible good times that I had in the city during my marriage due to the few lovely people I came into contact, without any regrets, pain or bitterness.

But more than anything else I saw the sheer beauty of love.

Visiting the Taj Mahal was always on my to-do list but never did I expect the experience to be overwhelming in the manner it was. The day I landed in Agra, my dad, who had visited the Taj previously pointed it out on the banks of the River Yamuna as we made our way to the hotel. As I saw the white dome gleaming in the sunlight I was almost instantly moved to tears. Little did I realize that this was the precursor to what was coming the next day.

On my dad’s suggestion we made our way to the Taj Mahal just after sunrise. The gentle cool breeze and the sun trying to peek through the parting clouds of a storm that should have been, proved to be the ideal setting for my first glimpse of one of the Seven Wonders of the World.

The Taj Mahal has one main entrance from the fore complex through which you can see the entire monument. But nothing prepared me for the immense beauty and grace of the Taj as I came face to face with it for the first time.

First Glimpse of the Taj Mahal

The Taj epitomizes a husband’s love for his wife and there I stood a wife betrayed by the man she loved, moved to tears by the sheer pristine beauty of love. I was mesmerized by a man’s labor of love of over 20 years for his wife. The countless photos of the Taj Mahal do absolutely no justice to the immense and almost overwhelming elegance and grace of the monument. The strange quietness and the slow ebbing of the River Yamuna were practically addictive to an extent that I did not want to leave.
Taj Mahal

I could have just sat there for hours simply staring at the Taj without even a hint of regret that I did not experience even a minuscule amount of the love due to a wife. The beauty of the monument simply took over my mind, body and soul. I think for the first time in my life I was in trance like state, completely at peace with my surroundings and without any desires but to stare for hours at the gleaming marble monument of love.

As honeymooners had themselves photographed ensconced in new love, I sat down for the customary photo in front of the Taj Mahal on a bench now popularly known as the ‘Lady Di Bench’. But I sat with my head held high thoroughly enjoying my freedom and solitude. The photo is a testimony of how far I have come in my healing.

This trip has made me appreciate the beauty of love and like the Taj Mahal it is something that I will never forget.

 

 

 

The Healing Power of Tears

It is often believed that tears are a sign of weakness or a sign of the person being submissive and not strong, but not many realize that tears can be a mark of silent strength. The strength of being able to express one’s emotions. Over the years I have used tears to express various emotions including happiness, anger, frustration and of course grief.

In the early days of my separation I was in emotional shock and found myself unable to cry. The shock left me fighting a constriction in my throat and a heavy burden on my chest. Words cannot describe how relieved I felt the day I finally managed to break down and cry non-stop for almost 3 hours. Such is the healing power of tears. They allow you to finally come to terms with your emotions, positive or otherwise and deal with them.

During the past year when I was coming to terms with the betrayal, hurt and anger I often found myself overwhelmed with a myriad of emotions and thoughts passing through my head. It was only a good bout of crying that helped me acknowledge the emotions and the fear of my future that resulted in being able to think clearly.

Recently while sifting through re-runs of Desperate Housewives I found Lynette giving the same advice as she spoke of the power of self soothing. Even though Lynette spoke about her baby, self soothing is one of the most powerful tools one can use while overcoming divorce especially in India where you are a social pariah especially if it was a conscious decision and since friends are hard to come by.

Self soothing also includes being a best friend to yourself apart from learning to love yourself while refusing to believe that you are a failure even if the society makes you out to be so. Failure of a marriage is not failure in life, this is something I repeat to myself everyday, given that girls are taught to marry well and remain married irrespective what horrors transpire in the marital life.

Self soothing can help you deal with your pain by doing something nice for yourself rather than ignoring or allowing the passage of time numb your pain. Do anything you like, listen to music, enjoy comfort foods, sing, take up hobbies, take a warm shower or simply rock yourself to peace on your rocking chair.  Experiencing proper comfort goes in a long way to heal the pain and agony caused by divorce.

So the next time you find tears welling up in your eyes, let them flow freely for it is the best and most inexpensive therapy you can find for yourself.